he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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