did you get engaged???
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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