I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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