So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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