i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
