i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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