They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
