On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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