If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
