i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
