I want to have your abortion
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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