I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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