I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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