He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
