The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
