I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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