I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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