I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
