I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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