Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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