He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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