Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
