It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
