Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
