There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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