enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
