I wish I could teleport
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
