In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
