Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
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I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
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I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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