i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
