speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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