do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Randomize
