Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
