My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
