Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
