Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
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i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
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Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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