oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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