before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
