I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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