yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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