drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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