you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
