you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
