Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
