woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
