As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
