What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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