nut hugger
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
