I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
