his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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