come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
