There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
