Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
