Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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