pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
