and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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