Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
