we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
