I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
