dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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