I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize