Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
