it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
