Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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