Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
