I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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