she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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