She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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