Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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