He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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