this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
