he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
