I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
