Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
