it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
