After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you had me at cake vodka
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Such a big mess for such a small penis
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
