I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
