I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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