so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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