Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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