I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
